Don't you dare give mom another bouquet for Mother's Day, not unless you also wrap up a videotape on how to grow beautiful roses. In today's era of self-improvement, the perfect gift for mothers is a video guide to doing anything better.

Of course, some mothers would rather just take it easy and watch something impossibly romantic.

So here's a salute to both kinds of mothers: the doers and the dreamers. Somewhere - at a humble discount store or in a high-tech mall - there's a perfect video gift for May 12. FOR PRACTICAL MOMS Think I'm kidding about videos for gardeners? Morris Home Video, which markets tapes for video stores, discount shops and even gardening stores, has an entire line of horticultural tapes. Titles include "Spectacular Roses," "Grow Your Own Vegetables" and "Custom Landscaping." All tapes are $19.95. For mothers who succeed in their gardening endeavors, there's "Tips on Flower Arranging" (Wood Knapp Home Video, $14.95). Moms who hope to wiggle back into a bikini this summer might like to try out "Cyd Charisse's Shape Up" (J-2 Video, $19.95). The gorgeous star of many music comedies still looks great. Her dance-based workout is fun to do and not designed for boot-camp trainees. Since it's spring, it's time to get outdoors and enjoy nature. A natural sport for the season is exercise walking. "Yes, We're Walking" (The Meier Group, $14.95), co-sponsored by Rockport, offers top tips. Why blow money on plastic surgery? "Lindsay Wagner's Acupressure Face Lift" (Warner Home Video, $19.98) is a terrific series of facial massages that are said to prevent or even reverse facial sagging. I don't know if it works, but it's fun to do. This video has been out for several years and might be difficult to locate, but a video retailer can order it from Warner. "Nancy Lopez: Golf Made Easy" (Fox Hills Video, 19.98) is a nicely paced, thorough look at a champion's approach to golf. I've never ventured beyong the world of miniature golf, but Lopez makes the real thing look inspiring. "21 Days to Stop Smoking" (Paramount, $9.95). Warning: Buying this tape poses potential risk to offspring who haven't cleared the idea with mom. No one likes a nag. "Jane Fonda Light Aerobics and Stress Reduction" (Warner, $29.98). This is the only Fonda tape that goes easy on the joints and easy on the nerves. "Shirley MacLaine: Inner Workout" (Vestron, $29.98). It's new age. It's cosmic. It even makes a lot of sense. "Lamaze Method" (Nelson Entertainment, $19.98). Now here's a tape a mom-to-be will really need. "Color Me Beautiful" (Random House, $19.95). Skip the pricey color analysis session and figure out your perfect wardrobe colors with this tape. "New Orleans Cooking With Paul Prudhomme" (J-2, $19.95). Cooking Cajun style with the master of New Orleans cuisine. FOR ROMANTIC MOMS "Body Heat" (Warner, $19.98). Filmed in 1981, this is still one of the sexiest film noirs around. William Hurt and Kathleen Turner co-star. "The Year of Living Dangerously" (MGM/UA, $19.98). A must-have for Mel Gibson fans. Sigourney Weaver also stars. "Camille" (MGM/UA, $24.98). Greta Garbo stars in this classic 1936 weeper, co-starring Lionel Barrymore. "Anna Karenina" (MGM/UA, $24.98), Garbo again in this tragic classic written by Leo Tolstoy. "Wuthering Heights" (HBO, $29.98), the classic romance, based on the Emily Bronte novel, starring Laurence Olivier and Merle Oberon. "The French Lieutenant's Woman" (MGM/UA, $29.98), a present-day romance intertwined with a historical love story, starring Meryl Streep and Jeremy Irons. "A Brief Encounter" (Paramount, $19.95), the potboiler written by Noel Coward and directed by the late David Lean. "Now, Voyager" (MGM/UA, $19.98), a story about a psychiatrist who wins the trust and love of a young patient, starring Bette Davis. "Dr. Zhivago" (MGM/UA, $29.98), the Academy Award-winning movie of 1965, starring Omar Sharif and Julie Christie.